Thursday, May 04, 2006

Stop Having Sex with My Nose!

Spring is hell for the simple reason that spring is pollen season. Severe allergy sufferers will overwhelmingly agree with me on this one. Those trees look so innocent and pretty but never forget that they will be trying to have sex with you. They spread their pollen far and wide looking for a willing partner. Damn them! I always forget how terrible my allergies are when spring starts because I am so happy to get out of my bulky winter coat. My allergies don't start until mid-April which gives me a teasingly short amount of time to enjoy the sunshine before I am holed up in my apartment with my Claritin and tissues and begging any god in the heavens to make it stop. After my allergies stop which is around the end of May, I conveniently forget this all happened and the cycle begins again the next year.

I spent my formative years on Staten Island happily trolling along on tree-lined streets with standard front and back lawns as part of every neighboring house. So I have to throw up my hands and ask - why do I have allergies????? I was exposed to pollen at a young age! I should have built up immunity or something! My theory is that this is all because I was born and spent part of my childhood in Brooklyn in an apartment building that was surrounded by comforting concrete and asphalt. I think my body went into rebellion when I moved to Staten Island at the tender age of 7. I blame my parents (sorry mom and dad!).

The important thing with allergies is to identify which allergy sufferer you are. For example, I am a tree. This means I am allergic to tree pollen. My boyfriend is a grass - allergic to grass pollen. Pretty silly until you realize that people are allergic to a lot more things and it's easier to cut it down to the essentials. When you commiserate with fellow allergy sufferers, you can rattle off your list like a pro - "I'm a tree, grass, chocolate and nuts. Whatta about you?" Identifying yourself can also help figure out how to mitigate the impact on your social life. I know that my allergies are really bad right at the peak of tree pollen season so I cancel any family photographs, camp outings, picnics until the ordeal is over. Grass pollen season begins right after tree pollen season so I know that my misery is ending when I see my boyfriend suffering. I give him medicine and pat him comfortingly in the middle of his hell but I'm secretly jumping up and down with joy that I will finally get to breathe again.

It sucks to be the allergy sufferer especially as a kid because remember the kid with the runny nose who never seemed to get it cleaned up? That was ME! Remember the kid with the bloody nose who had to be taken out of class? That was ME! (I blew my nose so much it always bled) Remember the kid who peed at his desk? That was.....er...that wasn't me. I am so thankful that Claritin and Allegra and all those other fine non-drowsy medications are available for me. Thank you drug companies! I hate you for all the bad things that you do but I love you for the allergy medicines!

Speaking of effective allergy medications, check this one out: http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2006/4/30/91945/8971
I don't think I would go this far but if things get much worse, I might try this out.

So, I'm wondering how many native New Yorkers are affected by this blasted disease? I'm sad that I can't visit my family in Staten Island during this time because of the clouds of pollen hovering in their borough. Are you the same? Let me know! How do you combat your allergies? I am considering wearing goggles and a filtering mask outside. Has anyone done this before? Does it work?

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home