Friday, June 02, 2006

I Hate Parmesan Cheese

I do, I really do. I hate parmesan cheese. I wish I didn't as everyone seems to love this stuff. Can't you smell the vomit? A combination of rotting meat and smelly feet is not even comparable to a stinky shaving of parmesan cheese. And restaurants love to grate this stuff all over their patrons' food without even asking. I hate to send food back to the kitchen because they had sprinkled this heinous stuff all over my meal as I know that kitchen staff is probably spitting all over it. But I would rather have their spit than the scent of parmesan cheese anywhere near me. Everytime I smell this stuff, all I want to do is puke in my mouth.

Seriously, I'm not a complicated customer: I always tip 20% on the after tax total, I eat everything (except for parmesan cheese and other smelly cheeses such as romano, limburger - yughhhh!) even if it is burnt or undercooked, I never send things back to the kitchen (except for parmesan infested meals), I'm nice to the waiter and I try to make my order easy. But it really ticks me off when the restaurant adds something like parmesan cheese when they don't even indicate the ingredient in the menu!!!!!! I feel really bad for people who are allergic to cheese as this is probably a life threatening addition for them. I'd probably sue the freaking restaurant if I was allergic.

Other things that tick me off - yeah, it's that kind of day:

- Construction - It's happening everywhere and there's nothing I can do about it. They start their jackhammering and thumping early in the morning. I hope the housing market totally crashes and these people get their instant karma punishment.

- Domestic Tourists - Fat. Very white. Wearing the perpetual T-shirt, shorts and white sneakers - the uniform of middle America. They block the sidewalk and generally make a huge nuisance of themselves. Plus, they are the cheapest people ever and thus do not really bring in that much money for the city. They are also really loud. I sometimes wish I could start a paintball contest - whoever shoots the most tourists wins!

- NYU Undergrads - The bane of my existence. Whatever happened to the NYU as the kind of shitty school that you put down as a safety school? Do girls really want to be Felicity that much? Most of the undergrads are concerned more about fashion than getting an education. Just wait until you graduate, suckers, and have to pay back loans and credit card debt and deal with parents are no longer willing to pour their cash into your insatiable coffers. I await the day that New York City is no longer trendy enough for Paris Hilton wannabes.

- New Jersey Cars - Yeah, you know the cars that I mean - The huge SUVs with the New Jersey license plates and the Eurotrash music blaring out of their souped up stereo systems. These guys create havoc on the road because they don't know how to drive on roads that aren't like the New Jersey Turnpike. Even the cabbies hate them. They get stuck on tiny streets because their giganormous gas guzzling cars can't fit on our tiny roads. They should be banned from New York City. Not to mention, they clog up the Holland Tunnel and the West Side Highway for miles and miles on the weekends. Poor fools who can't afford to live in the City. At the very least, the New Jersey bastards should be paying a commuter tax to compensate for all the rage, pollution and general stench they bring in.

4 Comments:

Blogger Lisa Gansky said...

I thought I was the only one!

2/15/2010 4:25 PM  
Blogger S. said...

I thought I was the only one too. Oh I can't stand the smell or even be sitting at the table with someone eating it. It makes me want to puke. How is that stuff made? I thank God I am not the only one. I also hate blue cheese. I was eating a salad at the Blue Bayou in Disneyland and it was sprinkled all over, I accidentally tasted it and immediately spit it out. The only cheese I can stand is mozzarella, and shredded white cheddar, anything else and...Yuck. Thank you for the post.

3/22/2010 9:18 PM  
Blogger S. said...

Oh its one of those days where a lot of things bug me. Wish it wasn't. You need an update, just so you know. Friendly nudge from fellow blogger.

3/22/2010 9:22 PM  
Blogger Stephen said...

I literally went online to see if I was the only one who reviles parmesan cheese. You have expressed my revulsion more eloquently than I ever could imagine. Thank you. I am glad I'm not the only one!

5/17/2010 8:47 PM  

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